When something is on your mind, find a time to discuss it calmly, with the goal of a constructive, problem-solving conversation. Long-term relationships’ disagreements look different because they are often sprinkled with humor and affection. This is one of the keys to a long-term happy relationship.
Remember that the right amount of child support, is not always what a computer program comes up with. The better description might be the amount that will meet the reasonable needs of your children without causing significant detriment to the person paying or receiving it.
When you stay open to the possibility that you do not necessarily know what your partner will say or do and you monitor your assumptions about them, you may be able to maintain a channel of communication that is less fraught with argument and disappointment. You may still not like what he or she is wanting, but you will at least not like it from the standpoint of knowing that it is what they are actually want.
We discussed using a Collaborative Divorce process where Julie is separately represented by a Collaboratively-trained attorney with prior experience on various spousal support outcomes. We could involve mutually agreed upon mental health coaches and/or neutral financial professionals to look at emotional concerns and property division settlement options. This would save them both the cost of hiring different experts to testify in court at $500 or more an hour, while also paying their litigation attorneys’ fees to cross-examine each expert, and waiting 90 days for the judge to make a ruling. And the ruling could be quite unfavorable.
If you both enter into a Collaborative Divorce process in good faith, don’t rush out to file for divorce or panic if you are on either side of the “ten year” marriage. Trust that you and your spouse can create an appropriate agreement that doesn’t depend on a knee-jerk reliance on “rules” that may or may not be true.